Someone who is trying to direct or influence others’ life or the course of events. When we talk about humans and human nature, it can be termed as the power to dictate people’s behavior or the course of events. In our society, we do have a lot of these people whom we can term as “Control Freak”, i.e. they try to manage or decide or direct some other person based on their post or elderly status.
For instance, in a family of 3 or more brothers/sisters, the eldest is the decision maker, at times no one can question them but that’s not how it should be. Your age shouldn’t decide if you are right or wrong, it’s the thought that is presented and needs to be discussed mutually so as to come to the best possible outcome rather than the one proposed by the eldest in the family.
Similarly, in case of a Guru and Shishya(disciple) relationship, a guru needs to guide and enlighten their Shishya(disciple) and then let the Shishya go on exploring and experiencing their journey. The Guru should not and has no right to dictate what the Shishya has to do next in his/her life. The Guru Shishya relationship is such there has to be a give and take mutually making it more interaction amongst equals rather than hierarchical dominance. The only thing that a guru expects and should be given to the fullest is respect, or sometimes a Guru dakshina (tuition fee/a tribute to the teacher/a gift), is what Shishya’s give willingly just to show appreciation and gratitude.
Control freaks appear to have some similarities to co-dependents, in the sense that the latter’s’ fear of abandonment leads to attempts to control those they are dependent on. Recovery for them entails recognizing that being a control freak helped paradoxically preserve co-dependency itself.
Personality type A can mostly be related to control freaks, motivated by a need to dominate and control. An obsessive need to control others is also associated with an antisocial personality disorder. Even in a lifelong partnership, the relationship can only last if partners complement at each other as and when needed or else if there is a control dynamic from any partner, does not make a great relationship for long term prospects.
Addressing the corporate world, people who are control freaks, up the hierarchy tend to suppress or condemn at times their inferiors or people one or two levels below their hierarchy. They will care more than you may do, about something you should be concerned with and will make sure they push you at their will. The fine line between focussing on details for tasks to be done right and being someone who wants to micromanage work is blurred for them.
Control freaks easily believe that their intervention is necessary and beneficial. This could be because of the feeling of separation from a loved one or the belief that others are incapable of independently handling matters properly or things might go awry if each and everything does not go through them. In many cases, they may simply enjoy the feeling of power it gives them so much that they automatically try to gain control of everything and everyone around them and their lives.
Few traits that control freaks have:
-They have a belief when someone changes something about themselves, they’d be happier. So they try to assist forcibly and try to change this behavior by pointing it out, annoyingly so, again and again.
-They micromanage others to make them fit their unrealistic expectations. They judge others’ behavior as right or wrong and try to control one’s life at times by not reacting or being silent or cutting off sometimes from the said person, sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control.
-Mostly they present worst-case situations so as to influence someone away from certain behaviors/people and towards their own sense of correct/right in that situation, which is also called fear mongering.
Suggestions to curb the control freak inside any of us:
-You can be vulnerable with people.
-Be realistic about your expectations of others.
-Quit the passive-aggressive nonsense – be direct.
-Accept that a large portion of life is laced with unknowns.
-Embrace confrontation–it really is sometimes the only thing you can do.
-Take responsibility for your own happiness.
-Help others and let go.
Hoping we can live the way we want to and let others live the way they want to … Cheers!
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Cosmic Casanova 